Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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