we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
