I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
