I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
