Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My cat gives me a boner
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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