problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
