a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
