need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
