there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
