There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
