so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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