You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
