Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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