I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
