um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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