oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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