Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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