He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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