i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
