This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
