Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
