mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There's even glitter on my cock...
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