yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
