i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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