the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
