oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
