i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
