TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
