I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish you could order shots online.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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