I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
