I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
