so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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