He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
