I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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