I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
