I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
