You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
