Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
