And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
