And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
