i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
