my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
