I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
