we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
