Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
