I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
