I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
