I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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