She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
