sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
