i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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