We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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