the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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