Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
