Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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