His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
