sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
