got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
