I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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