So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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