So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
