Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
