We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
